Do you know what rape is? What it was and what it still is? The oppression of women is ancient right? Maybe as a societal whole but not entirely. There are many historical practices and customs that have trained men to believe a woman is inferior to a man. One way we still see this is in sexual advances in common places like the work place or even during a date. A man mistakes a woman’s kindness or demeanor for something more and of course if a woman goes out on a date with him, it’s a sure indicator she wants more. Right? Hell no.
In America, women are not the property of their father and low income citizens are not legally inferior to the wealthy, however, at one time, it was quite the opposite. Generations have passed down trickles of tradition and so some individually carry these haunting traits.
Astonishingly, It wasn’t until the 1970’s that martial rape began to be viewed as a crime and it wasn’t until the 1990’s that all 50 states regarded marital rape as illegal. Even in the 2000’s many repeals were made to treat rape as rape whether it was used with deadly force or not because there were still stipulations that protected the controlling spouse.
Can you even imagine your husband forcing himself on you by any means necessary and you legally not authorized to reject him?
That screams inequality, patriarchy, and hell on earth.
Many of us, including me, use to think every rapist was a dangerous, creepy man who would find you alone at night and brutally take your body, then kill you or walk away fearless of any consequence. We know this is a myth, even Ted Bundy said,
“People don’t realize that murderers do not come out in the dark with long teeth and saliva dripping off their chin.”
Chilling, I know, but it’s true. We also cannot make assumptions about the victims of these crimes. As a sexual assault and victims advocate years ago, I went through specific training regarding the subject of sexual assault (including rape) and victims’ rights. I’m ashamed to say that at that time, even with training, I questioned certain victims integrity.
I wonder, how many women have thought as I did. Even I’ve been at the hands of a perpetrator and at the time didn’t even know to call it rape.
And, you may not know this but my mom was also raped when she was murdered.
I want to dig deeper into this. I want to know how many women have been sexually assaulted and if they carry that with them today or have they been able to release the crime emotionally and/or through the judicial system.
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) reports a horrific statistic that every 92 seconds an American is assaulted and I conducted a survey with you and found the results startling. I think this is worth talking about.
Do you agree? And, would you be willing to share your story with me?
The next post I’ll go more in detail about why I use to doubt certain victims and how it helped me cope with the loss of my mother.
Wow! Your writing is so beautiful and raw and real and so very relatable. You know how to put into words what we are all thinking and ponder about. I love learning and knowing more about your Mom, keep telling her story so gracefully.
Thank you Deb for reading this message. My mom’s story and experience is one of many. Our voices have to speak about the women who “seem” disposable, just like to we speak of and empathize with the college student walking to her car at night. We all matter. xoxo
Wow this is so interesting to me. I would love to learn more about this topic because it is more prevalent then we think.
My sweet Madi, I think that together we can create awareness and really encourage young women and old to respect their bodies more and to expect respect from others.