My heart is calm and my burden’s light. Our episode on Shattered aired last week. Expectations are completely arbitrary when embarking on uncharted territory. Meaning, we’ve never filmed anything other than live Facebook videos and uneventful insta-stories. This was serious. The anxiety and anticipation leading up to that day was sobering.
Here is a very small glimpse of what my house looked like during my interview. I had concerns that my beautiful mom’s story would not be told accurately as we cautiously opened our mouths and heart. I’m grateful to have met this crew and to have spent precious time gathering memories of my her. Although they do this for a living, to us the experience was unique. I literally fell in love with them, especially the girls. So much that we want to jump on an airplane and go spend a few days in NYC, because why not NYC?
–I suppose it’s common to develop an attachment when working with someone on the recollection of your most painful moments ever lived-
What now?
- I just received my mom’s case file and all pertinent documents. This will really help with accurately writing specific information.
- Realizing, all of the sudden, that I have some things to work through (mind-sets, habits, strongholds, and what is really standing out to me is how I place blame to something or someone when something painful happens.
What if I couldn’t associate an event with a personal wrong doing, who would I blame?
Lets dig into that a bit
I have always needed a cause and effect for a hard situation. This occurred and it must be because I did this. In other words, I find at least one reason how the outcome could’ve been different if I would have made a different decision. Somehow, it eases my pain when I accept that fault.
Interestingly, I made a new friend who is brilliant and spiritually wise, who tends to do the opposite. She recalls her strengths that lead to the question, “Why me?” You know, I’m this and I’m that, I’ve done this, and I’m about that. So how could this happen to me?
We came to the determination that this is when people begin to blame God. So again, I am asking myself, If I’d remove the guilt off of myself would I still look for someone or something to blame or would I acknowledge what’s happening, work through it, and leave it?
May I dare to ask how YOU tend to deal with tragedy or disappointment? Which method fits you most?
- Blame Somebody or something (not necessarily negatively but always insisting something/someone could’ve prevented this)
- Reflect on great qualities about yourself and wonder how this could happen to you
- Believe everything happens for a reason and there’s nothing you could’ve done anyway
- Something altogether different
Please send me a comment as to which number you are and tell me why. Next week I’ll let share what I found out today and why I lean toward that mentality. I’ll also share other steps I’m taking to live a more peaceful, non-competitive, genuine, healed, life!
#4 For me, it could be partly their fault partly mine…all their’s, all mine round and round, which gets me nowhere except depressed. So I draw closer to God and realize that there is such evil in the world . But, and a big but it is that I have a hope. In God’s word I am reasured that He will never leave me, He will help me breathe and He will turn what the devil meant for harm into something good and lifting up. I have to just keep reading the word and talking to God and I get peace. It is not always easy but He is faithful and I have found I can trust him with my very being.
My prayer for you is that this airing of Shattered will touch many hearts and change lives.
Sam Hodges
Hello Sam,
That is my exact prayer in regards to the documentary as well. Thank you for your comment.
I guess I could be three but I would try to think of ways I could have reacted differently so then I would have to say 4.
It’s confusing sometimes right. What we want to be and what we really are can be an illusion. xo
Mindy the show was very well done. I watched it twice -once with my husband. And with Tabitha. In my life I would say number one. When I had breast cancer I tried you figure out how a young healthy Christian woman could get this. People were praying-right? I asked every doctor how -trying to blame it on something I did or did not do. As I grew in faith I realized it just happened. But along the way I saw amazing people come into my life. I just kept walking.
Hello Pat,
I want you to know how special it is to me to connect and ask you to forgive me for just responding. Right around this time, I went through a bit of a spiritual sabbatical, and I don’t mean that in a good way. I can completely relate on blaming something or someone. It had to be the food I ate, or route that I took, or if this, or if that. But how dare I think I have control over everything. I’m working on finding that truth somewhere in between. How wonderful that you are healed and a beautiful mama and grandma! xoxo
I believe things happen for a reason. But the one thing I find hard when a tragedy happens is remembering. I sit and think so hard on memories that my mind goes blank and it upsets me even more. After a few months I start remembering good things but still get mad at myself for not remembering when i want too. Hope that made sense.
Love you!
I believe that we do what we believe is best at the time we do it and there is just no point in finding blame. God does have a plan and even tho we make our own choices we will eventually end up where God intended us to be.
Definitely #1 for me. While I mostly feel that things happen for a reason, I don’t think it is just that. I believe that God has a plan, but he also gives us a will of our own – which to me means that sometimes we mess with his plan. When something bad happens, I always look at the decisions that were made (by myself or others) and need to understand why and wonder what if? Also, I am SO grateful for God’s Grace and Forgiveness when we make the wrong choices.
BTW, I saw your episode of Shattered and while the story was about your sweet Mom and also really seemed to focus more on your sister than you, there was something about you that was special – it was kind of strange. I watch a lot of the ID Channel (lol) and never really get drawn in by anyone. I noticed the saguaros in some of the shots and it made me wonder if you lived in Arizona ( I live in Tucson). I googled your name and found your blog. When I realized that you are a Christian and have a ministry, then I understood the connection – it’s the “GOD THING”!!!
I am so happy to have found your blog and look forward to your weekly e-mails.
God Bless You!!!
Hello beautiful Nita,
While I know you wrote this comment long ago, I ask that you forgive me for just responding. I went through a short period of time feeling spiritually disconnected and confused. Thank God He never lets me go and I’m finding a new way to know and love Him. I do live in Arizona and yes, it’s a God thing:)) I think energy’s are stronger than we can imagine and sometimes connections are unexplainable. Thank you for seeing me. I need that sometimes. xoxo
I think our lives are planned out long before we are born. We can make all the future plans that we want to and then life happens
Yes Cindy! I’ve learned that almost always our choices land us in the positions were in and in the instances when things happen to us, we then have the ability to choose how, or even to, respond. There is so much accountability there but I believe its true. xoxo