July 2001, My Mom was killed by a horrible serial killer and rapist.
December 2016, I began to write a book about our story, her story, and all the circumstances revolving her death.
January 2017, ID, Investigative Discovery Channel contacted us to tell her story in an upcoming series Shattered.
- My first thought- this can’t be real
- My concern- will they tell her story well
February and March 2017 we filmed.
August 30th our episode will air- two day’s from now!
When I was in Washington I learned more about him, my mom’s case, and other victims. One victim stood out to me and I want to save those details but there was a common denominator between them all.
I can’t change what happened to my mom but I replay everything that I know and I’m careful not to pause too long during the “what if’s”.
During the flight home, I wasted no time writing and brainstorming… Michael Braae never saw past the genitals or his false sense of power. These women were faceless and nameless in his opinion but she had a name. They all did. But sadly, his victims fit into a certain demographic. They weren’t noticed, more importantly they weren’t noticed missing. Most had zero expectations. Every woman that he killed, raped, or was last seen with had some sort of a relationship except my mom and one other unfortunate victim.
To him, my mom was another lonely, desperate soul not worthy of life. But he was wrong! She was our mom who provided miraculously well. She was an incredible cook, homemaker, and overcomer. She was beautiful and meticulously clean. Despite all the filth in the world, she was determined to clean it up one square inch at a time.
16 years ago she was taken away. I’ll never know what her last thoughts were before her last breath but I know she fought.
Because of that, it’s necessary to help one girl at a time believe she is worthy of life, standards, and writing her own moral code. To forgive herself of the past that constantly haunts her and the choices she made that were inevitably a 50/50 % chance to be the wrong one. To believe her frail body or her lumpy body is good and sturdy and a temple.
For our own sake, can we change our minds and decrease our vulnerability?
Don’t misread what I’m writing. I’m not naïve enough to believe every crime is preventable but what if the percentage of sex trafficking, rape, a heartbreak, or murder could decrease by our sense of self-worth, self-respect, and dignity increasing?
Will you join me in watching and sharing her story to begin this awareness of the self-worth and dignity so many women of all ages lack?
Mindy, you and your sister are so brave of heart to have this part of your life opened to share with everyone ! I hope that everyone understands the turmoil you and Elisa have gone through all these years and uses it as a tool to help better there lives!! God bless you both and all that reaches
Thank you Fran, we love you dearly.
Hi mindy, I’m Mandi ,and I just want to thank you for sharing your story. I can’t even imagine what trauma you have endured for the past 15 years. I know you have tremendous faith and I thank you for sharing that on your blog. We need more people like you! There is so much hate in this world and The Lord is the ONLY answer! It starts with us as Christians to share the love of Christ through acceptance, love and kindness !
Mandi, yes, love and kindness. We have so much power and ability to spread that and I’m determined to do better each day. Thank you for reaching out. Let’s stay connected. xoxo
Love you baby girl!
Love you too!
You and your sister are two very strong young ladies. I pray for your heath and happiness. Thank you for telling your story. You are beautiful inside and out. Miss you Mindy!!! Keep strong
Oh Mike, you’re such a treasure!! Miss you too.
Hi Mindy…I watched “Shattered” last night and was heartbroken while watching it. I know you and your sister are very strong and courageous and am thankful for you reaching out to others. I lost both of my parents in 2007, 2 months apart, and know how hard it was. I can’t imagine what I’d have done if they had been murdered … God has our lives planned before we are even born and He knew that you and your sister would be strong enough to not only share your story but, to reach out and help others. God Bless you both!
Barb, I’m so sorry. Losing our parents is hard! We must stay focused, be joyful on purpose, and deliberately pursue peace. That is what I’m doing. xoxo
I just got off the phone with John, he and yours had dinner tonight. He said he got to face chat with you and told me about this special that ran on discovery. I just watched it and cried and cried. You precious lady, and your precious sister. I believe we all get a new name at our new birth and yours may be “Overcomer”. I pray (as I type) for a fresh and deep healing for you and Elisa. That God will bring her to a place of freedom in forgiveness. God bless you both! Would love to catch up soon (hopefully before retirement ?).
Hello Heather!
It’s been awhile since the documentary aired and I do apologize for just now responding. Just around this time, I really felt spiritually empty, totally withdrawn, and confused. In a few areas of life. I’m just responding to people and it’s the middle of the night. I’m certain God woke me up and led me right to these comments. After all, if my main goal is inspire and encourage then the connection is paramount. I’m out of my rut and back to work. I hope to see you soon as well and I love my new birth name;) xoxo
I just seen your episode of Shattered. It was very touching. My sisters and I losted Our parents in 2000 from bad choices. The bond of sisterhood is indescribable. Thanks for sharing your story.
Hi Katie, thank you for reading and your sweet comment. I’m so sorry for your loss, especially both parents. It’s amazing how much of an effect one choice can have on our life. I hope you and your sister are resilient and living the best life possible. xx
Hi Mindy, I just watched your episode of Shattered and I was so so touched. I’m so sorry for your loss. I never reach out to people I dont know but something about you and your sister reminded me of the sisterly bond I share with mine. You ladies are so strong and it’s so admirable! Thanks for sharing your story!
Well Hi Sweet Jo! Thank you for your kind words. I really believe we have a choice in everything. I also know that if we feel like falling apart it’s OKAY however, we can’t stay down. We have to move past the grief and look up and around at all the work there is to do and beauty to be seen.
Blessings to you my friend.
I pray that he NEVER gets out and that prosecutors will try him on behalf of the other three victims to ensure he never does. I get so aggravated with people saying that we should not have the death penalty but when people do not abide by society’s laws, they bring it upon themselves. When are we going to get tired of it all? All the innocent women and children….the lives of so many?
Lisa, i agree. I support the death penalty for people who hurt children and for murderers such as him.
Lisa, I agree with you. I want justice for the women still missing and part me reluctantly believe that because of their lifestyle and of course lack of proof, Braae was never convicted.
What happen to her dad??
Elisa’s Dad was murdered by his son, Elisa’s step-brother.
How so sad!! I’m so very sorry!
Hello Tina,
Thank you for that. We feel the love from all of you.
Mindy thanks for opening your heart and sharing your story about your mother. I cried to know that 11 year old Elisa saw your mother under the bed. You both are strong ladies. I admire your strength and determination.
Hi Cynthia, thanks for stopping by and for the love through the wire. My sister is a warrior and our relationship is SO SACRED to me.
Sadly he was murdered by his own son.
I so admire and agree with you on raising our self esteem and valuing ourselves. I was molested by my biological father which caused self destructive behavior all my life. Self love now and dignity have made such a wonderful change. We as women need to also learn to love and compliment each other rather than be catty or jealous.
Hello Kristain,
I am so, so sorry to hear that. That is the ultimate deception and violation. Your innocence was stolen and I can only imagine the hard work you’ve put into healing, trusting, loving, and touching. You are beautiful and perfect and made new every day.
Kristin,
I hope so much that you are healed ad released from that horrible, horrific crime. Your body is precious and made new.
Mindy, I saw you and your sister’s story. I was deeply moved and inspired by your strength. You are both very inspiring.
I have you both in my prayers. ??
Hello Greg,
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and prayers. My mother was beautiful and her legacy is good.
Hi Mindy, shattered just aired here in the uk tonight. What struck me most is how beautiful you and Elisa are! So very attractive and brave. Your mother will be so proud of you both! I too lost my mother to murder some 33 years ago by the hands of my father. There are 4 of us girls and we are all happily married, healthy, balanced and settled so her work was done, just like your moms. Xx
Hi Melody! You’re very kind for the compliment. Thank you for telling me about your precious Mom. I’d love to chat with you more about your process from grieving to feeling whole. If you ever want to, feel free to email me. Much love and blessings to you friend!
I saw the episode on ID. You said, “I’m about ready to forgive him,” or similar words. Just my opinion–Why would you want to do that? Are you being pressured by well-meaning people who say all Christians must forgive everyone of everything? The Bible doesn’t teach that. Don’t hurt yourself worse by extending false forgiveness. You’re under no obligation to forgive that man, ever. Only if he comes to you and asks you to forgive him–*then* you might consider it. Until then, why would you ever want to even consider it?
Hi M. I appreciate you taking the time to contact me and express your opinion. What you say is interesting for many reasons and I will be discussing this a lot in my book. This past week I’ve been studying forgiveness and what it means to forgive. I could not agree with you more and no body pressured me into anything. I’m hard to pressure:) It’s a difficult thing to understand someones grief and coping mechanisms and even more so, their heart. I hope you come back to my site to visit because forgiveness is exactly where I’m at. Please look up what it means to forgive and forgiveness and you’ll see it has nothing to do with the offender. Take care and thank you so much again for your communication.
It’s comforting to hear you’re at the point of forgiveness. Having some very difficult situations that put me in a very similar place, there was no other way to release oneself, at least imho. I didn’t want the monster to control my life forever and it wasn’t about freeing them, it was about freeing myself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to set yourself up again with that same victimizer, it means you can finally soothe your own heart while still protecting yourself from a repeat. Allowing God to take it only benefits the victims and once the proper time comes God will handle what you needed to be free from.
I’ve no doubt your mother continues to watch over you and Elisa. She’s now protected forever from all evil and is just waiting for the 3 of you to finally be re-united. It’s hard, we always want them with us. No one should ever have to face the evil that she was forced to. May God bless and protect you and Elisa until that time arrives.
Autumn, thank you for your vulnerability in sharing a glimpse into your tragedy. Would you be interested in speaking with me? I’m working on a project and would like to know more about what you’ve been through. Please email me at mindyreneeblog@gmail.com
For some people, that’s necessary. For others, they’re fine. I think you’re swallowing a big pill when you think you know how you’d feel. Unless someone close to your heart has been pointlessly stolen away from this world, you really just never know.
And then if you’re like some of us- one day you’re willing to forgive. The next day, there’s not a snowballs chance in a fiery hell that you’d ever file it away. Now THAT’S messed up. I already know. Coincidentally a lot of that is from anger and hurt that I kept bottled up within. And still do.
I spent my whole childhood forgiving people. People who should’ve been kinder to me.
Less dangerous. That same childhood has molded me into this being that rarely entertains the idea of forgiving anymore.
It’s been 8 rough years since we lost carina. Since someone stole her existence away from this world. Unjustly. Unfairly. Horrifically. Heinously. Cruelly. She was tortured and dismembered. Tossed away in bags in a field. Like someone’s trash. She wasn’t trash. No matter what you might read. When there’s nothing to say or know about a specific situation, people often make things up. Pfff. Definitely. Theory proven.
But who is there to forgive in the loss of carina Saunders? No one was ever held accountable. Eight years next month.
Forgive? Naaa. And I don’t forgive the Oklahoma county district attorney either. Why? Because he is constantly engaging in conduct that is questionable, unethical and immoral. He’s corrupt. Time and again, I’m on the sideline, as if watching some sporting event, watching this man violate the rights and freedoms of others. He’s tampered with evidence in case, he destroyed thousands of untested rape kits, he set up a police officer, to have that man criminally prosecuted for crimes he didn’t even commit. He’s got a couple of men on death row. Just waiting, doggedly to kill them. Everything I’ve studied on these two death row inmates strongly suggests those men were wrongfully convicted in the first place.
So naaaa, I don’t forgive DA David Prater. He’s just another wannabe who thinks he’s running the world. All because of his “immunity” lol.
To me, He’s another type of evil.
Hello Reney, I didn’t recognize your name at first. I thought it was Margie. Was Carina your daughter? After receiving your message, I rewatched videos of Carina and the puzzling search for what happened. I CANNOT imagine what these last 8 years have been like. If you are ever interested in talking further, I would be honored. I want to understand more regarding the DA. my direct email is mindyreneeblog@gmail.com. I send so much love to you through the wire.
Reney, my heart beats faster for your sweet Carina. I’m so so sorry. There are no words. Do you have links to information about this case? I’m not too familiar and I HATE that nobody has been convicted!!!
I am so sorry that you and your sister had to go through losing your wonderful mother this way. My heart goes out to you both! I love your words and have really taken them to heart. Thank you for sharing your story and your words. Sending lots of love and respect to you both.
Hello sweet Theresa. Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out and connect. My hope in this show was to bring some amount of beauty to the ashes left behind. I can’t tell you how many people have contacted me letting me know they’re ready to forgive, or at least let go of a horrific past. Please stay in touch. xoxo
I am so sorry for bother of you. I now see the youngest lady also lost her father. May I ask what happened to him
Hi Patty, never a bother:) Sadly, he was murdered also by his son, Elisa’s step-brother.
Both of those girls, Elisa and her sister are amazingly strong. The shattered episode was truly riveting. Heartbreaking. I suppose maybe because it makes me think of my own family, my own (kinda crazy) mom but also my daughters too.
If anything unpleasant should ever befall me, I hope my girls stick together too like Loris girls
I definitely want them to find their happiness. Life is long. Life is short. It’s a lot of things in between. But the one thing it isn’t, is permanent.
Idk what on earth drives people to needlessly murder another, it’s just so pointless. And then they get locked up forever. What kind of life is THAT? I get that life’s hard, trust me I KNOW. I’ve had some bad experiences from my first memory of my life to now. I’m not out murdering people though. I wish people would start recognizing that they don’t have to have a life chock full of crime. On the contrary, they should try hard NOT TO. Rebuke satan when you feel susceptible, tell em you’re rebuking him in the name of Jesus Christ.
People have got to start changing their ways and wanting good things for themselves and good things for others. As we all know, it isn’t permanent but the hereafter IS.
#justiceforcarinasaunders
Hi Reney, I wish I knew the answer to your questions. Our healthy and stable brain cannot comprehend it and unbelievably, my mother’s killer considers himself a bible scholar.
Hi Reney, I’m sure your girls are close. My bond with my sister is the greatest gift my Mom gave us. We will never understand the mind of a rapist and killer. They are ill and quite possibly possessed. Blessing to you and thank you for stopping by.
xoxo
Hi. My name is Carmon. I just watched your heartbreaking story and I’m moved by the closeness of you and your sister. My mom and I aren’t getting along well and we haven’t spoken in weeks. I want to make amends with her because anything can happen and once they’re gone, it’s forever.
Hi Carmon, first, thank you for taking your precious time to contact me. Secondly, and most importantly, I’m sorry to hear about your mother. Would you like to talk or for me to write an advice piece on my blog? If you look at the Dear Mindy tab you will see that I use pseudonyms.
Good bless you
Andy Stapp
Hi Andy,
Thank you for taking the time to stop by. Very appreciated!
I am feeling very sorry and disappointed for Elisa Bcs she lost her mother when she was only 11years old.
Hi Amy,
I used to wonder how much heart ache one can endure and Elisa keeps teaching us that it’s quite a bit. She is doing really well and living an amazing life.
Hi Mindy& Elisa my name is tatiana you woman are very strong I’m proud of yall both may God continue to bless you and your families u two are absolutely beautiful ? r.i.p ms.jones continue to sleep beautiful ?. Also r.i.p Elisa dad as well lord hold them
Oh Tatiana,
You are the first person to actually speak to my Mom and it heated up my heart and caused me to take a deep breath. Thank you. Please do stay in touch. You can subscribe by filling out the “Join the Conversation” box.
Waooo que grandioso saber que Dios te ha dado fuerza para continuar, que haz hallado la forma de seguir adelante y aunque esto te ha “endurecido” no haz perdido la ternura de ser una mujer delicada, está historia aunque es tragica también deja un claro mensaje que la justicia siempre llega, y siempre hay que seguir adelante… Dios bendiga tu familia y a tu apreciada hermana… Todo va estar bien… recuerda poner música y colores a tu vida ustedes son una guerreras y valientes como su mamá!!
Hello! I wish I knew your first name so I could address you properly. I had your message translated and I feel so much love coming through. Thank you and many blessings to you as well.
Hello, i am from europe, Austria!
I just watched the murder case of your mom today. It was heartbreaking to see you and your sister still suffering after all these years.
I do watch such stuff daily, but this was kinda different. When i saw your sister crying when you got into your mom’s apartment, i felt a pain in my heart, which made me leaving this message!
I dont know if this is the right place to leave such a message, but i just wanted to tell you that i really hope life is going well and you are able to be happy again!
From the bottom of my heart all the best for you!!
Hello! What is your first name? I’m amazed at the messages I receive from all over the world and you are from beautiful Austria. Thank you for writing, messages from you all are sacred to me. And this is the perfect place to leave a message.
Watched ‘Shattered’ on Discovery ID.. and found myself crying & feeling the pain! Elisa didn’t deserve losing mom at such a young age! And.. what a smile she had.. as a baby and as a kid… happily sitting on her heaven i.e. mom’s lap. Thank goodness mom left her a gift.. a blessing.. in you.. someone who took care of her! Love to you both! ❤
Hello there:) Thank you for that acknowledgment. It has always came easy. Elisa has never been an option because she is part of me, part of my heart and my existence. Our mom gave us to each other and we always outwardly express our gratitude for each other to each other. You take care!
Mindy. How awful for you. A parent dying that way is inconceivable but imagine it’s your child.
My girl age 20 was killed by serial killer, left lying in ditch before being found after 6 weeks.I never got to say
goodbye. In the UK. Been 13 years+ time doesn’t help, the guilt feelings that I could’ve prevented
this get worse. I cannot EVER forgive myself, I shouldv seen the signs of daughter s lifestyle,+prevented this.
I’m atheist,can’t understand how religion will help, no dis respect to others opinions. How can any decent
person do these sorts of things to people. We haven’t improved since Nazi Germany. People just like
to kill,+all these TV programmes/dramas keep being put on TV reg daughters killer ,different narrator,different title
reg same thing. Despite my protests, these TV production makers
are out to make £ out of mine +others misery. It gives these killers superiority, makes them feel important,
+possibly encouraging others to do same. I’m so depressed,traumatised reg girls last moments. I must carry
on living because of son. If it wasn’t for him, I would be so pleased to end my life. THANKS so much for reading. C
Mindy, I just saw your story and thank God you and Elisa are living so close to each other now. Together you can both heal, or at least as much as possible. With the love and guidance of God you can conquer anything. Bless you both and know you’ve acquired the love and prayers of many. Having also lost my mother when I was 36, I know the devastation of losing your mom at such a young age. I found we’re always too young to lose our mom’s and the raw emotion you bravely displayed absolutely broke my heart for the both of you. Your strength is astounding, the depth of your love is endless.
May God bless and protect you and Elisa always. Amen
Hi Autumn, I feel gratitude as your message brings me encouragement. “Your strength is astounding, the depth of your love is endless” really are the kindest words. Thank you so very much.
I just watched this and was so sad to learn Elisa’s father was murdered as well…
Hello Lorilee,
What my sister has been through is unfathomable. She is the epitome of strength and determination to still make my mom proud and be the very best my mom always taught her to be.
To the beautiful girls of Lori.
Your love shines through with every word that you write or say. You have a strong bond with each other and your Mom, Forever!
I like how you are trying to help just one person, to be safe.
Your Mom should not have been killed. She was just having a little fun. That killer, took advantage that she was a women, and he was stronger and a bad sole.
Blessing to you both!!! <3
Hi Mindy,
I just watched the story of your Mom on Investigation Discovery tonight here in South Africa. I’m terribly sorry for what happened to your beloved Mom. Nothing could ever excuse or even explain it. But it was so heartwarming to see what fine and courageous young women your Mom raised you and your sister to become. I pray you are comforted and I know it’s been years but I imagine such a deep wound doesn’t really overnight.
I was also saddened to learn that your Dad was brutally murdered after the filming of the show. I’m so sorry guys and I just prayed for you that God would bind up your wounds. Please know that you have people who love and pray for you. Please send my regards and love to your sister Lisa.
Love you guys ❤️❤️❤️
Prince
That’s written so well. It is sad but it’s refreshing too, dear. I’m so sorry for your loss. For your mom and her loved ones, my deepest condolences .
@}>,-‘———-—
I saw Shattered and it was really heartbreaking. Even more shocking was learning that the Father was also murdered.
How much tragedy can those girls suffer?
My sincere condolences coming from England.